20 Reasons Why Edward Cullen just can't be Real!
by Lion.Lovin.Lamb
Summary: Basically what is says on the tin. A little humor list I wrote during a moment of writers block. It's sad but true, a list that confirms that Edward C is actually just a figment of Stephanie Meyers Imagination. Could possibly be part of a series? Enjoy!


**Okay so I took a break from writing the 7****th**** Chapter of my main story Insomnia, just to give you this little list, I've been thinking of over the past couple of days. It was really quite fun to write. Different to what I normally do, I'm usually a quite serious writer. So Hope you Enjoy, Reviews would be nice too.**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Edward Cullen. I don't, he is Smeyers, not mine. So is the rest of the Twilight Series. (Excuse me while I burst into tears)**

20 Reasons Why Edward Cullen can just NOT Be real. 

1. He is a Gentleman…Come on seriously how many of those do you get nowadays.

2. Quite obviously he's a vampire. And vampire's don't exist. (Authors goes to sob in a corner)

3. He has natural Bronze hair. You can't have bronze hair, you can have brown or red or blonde or black, not bronze. (Authors Note: I actually do have Bronzish hair but this was only cause by experimental dyeing…we're talking natural here though)

4. He's not obsessively arrogant about his abilities. If I could run as fast as he could, then the whole world would know. I'd be in the Olympics & everything. Then a again the Volturi would probably be on my back, so maybe just a little showing off - that couldn't hurt could it.

5. He doesn't mind Bella loving Jacob. This would seriously tick any normal guy off but Edward just goes with it all. I'd have ripped his head off immediately.

6. He chose the shy average brunette over the brilliant beautiful blond. A thing that can only happen in books & movies, as I'm yet to see it in real life.

7. He stayed a virgin for over a century. I mean I think most guys would rather die than to live like that. It is practically their favourite subject next to cars & money.

8. He'd rather smell the bouquet than taste the wine. (In English: He'd rather keep Bella alive, than drink her blood) He's said it before its like a heroin addiction. I can't imagine a heroin addict (not that I've met many) sitting there cuddling & kissing it, when he could have it.

9. He has perfect angular features &&& a well muscled body. Basically the boy has no flaws, that just can't be possible.

10. He'd rather Bella grew old, than become a vampire & apparently be soulless. How unselfish? I mean he'd rather kiss a granny, than have her have no soul. I'm sure most men, would have tried at least to have changed her by the end of Twilight.

11. He'd rather stay away from the one that he loved, to keep her from danger. Again very unselfish.

12. He'd rather repeat high school & college over & over & over again. Seriously I mean who would want to repeat school more than once, most of us are just dieing to get out of it then, never mind after 10 (or however many times he has) times of it.

13. He'd rather be human than vampire. Strange very strange. Personally It's the other way round for me.

14. He doesn't dish out others thoughts if they don't want him to. If you could read minds, I'm sure many of us, would immediately give out of the juicy secrets to whoever we could.

15. He is always grammatically correct & uses correct English. Seriously he is, I don't think he would even dare to speak slang, like Dude, or Wattup or Wicked. They just are not in his vocabulary.

16. He's straight. I'm sure many girls would agree that just when you have found what could be possible the perfect man…he turns out to be gay.

17. He isn't in the Phonebook.

18. He has never actually been spotted in public. Apparently no one has seen a 6 foot 2 man, with bronze hair & gold eyes who just happens to live in Forks lately.

19. Stephanie Meyer has confirmed that he is merely a figment of her imagination. (Millions of Fangirls across the globe are still in tears)

20. He is every single thing on this list & more. And therefore can't be real. He just can't. But don't give in girls (and guys) there is still hope. We will keep on searching for this _apparently_ fictional character, the legendary Edward Cullen.

**So what'd do we think people. Good…bad…okay…absolutely terrible I should give up writing for good…I need to know people. I'm thinking of doing a little sequel to this '20 Reasons Why Edward Cullen Might Possibly Be Real' let me know what you think. Hope you liked it. If you can, can you pretty please with sugar on top review, I honestly ravish in them. TTFN Lion. Lovin. Lamb XxX**


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